Grandma Bertha Interviews: August 2020

Audra Clemmings is a character created by Diane Bator

Greetings, guys and gals! Today's guest, Audra Clemming, really likes the sound of her voice! We have a lot of questions and answers, so let's skip the introduction and dive right in. What was the first investigation you ever did? What was the last? Do you expect to do more investigations in the future?

My first case has to do with graffiti at the school my kids went to. It wasn’t put into a book yet but could come back to bite me again! It involved the same officer I had to deal with when the cowboy was murdered.

What’s your major strength while investigating a murder?

I’m nosy and don’t listen well. I also have a great sidekick – my dog Drake.

What’s your major weakness while investigating a murder?

I’m nosy and don’t listen well.

Did you choose to become a detective? Or didn’t you have a choice?

I really didn’t choose to become any sort of detective. I do like to read mystery novels when I’m not doing needlepoint or running my shop Stitch’n’Time so naturally I was curious when my best friend Merilee, Drake, and I found a dead man on the bench in front of our shop.

What’s your daytime occupation? How does it relate to your investigations?

Merilee and I own a little craft shop in Sugarwood called Stitch’n’Time. We sell things like needlepoint supplies and craft kits, quilting supplies, and accessories for all sorts of needle crafts. Every Wednesday, we now have a quilting circle who takes over our space for a few hours. It only relates to investigations because it’s located along a busy street. We also have a great space in back to hang our posters that help us sort out who’s who in our investigations.

Do you have your own detective agency? Would you consider opening one and going pro?

No way! It’s dangerous enough running a craft shop! I don’t think I’d ever be a professional detective. To much stress!

What made you think you could solve a case?

I’m not sure I thought I could actually solve it, I just asked a lot of questions and got the wrong people angry with me for meddling.

Why were you the ideal person to solve that case?

No one suspects the woman who runs the craft shop of trying to solve the case! Most of my suspects were people around me who knew me and didn’t take me seriously.

What do you like least about investigating a case?

When one of my suspects decides to hurt me or someone I love.

What gives you the most satisfaction while investigating a case?

I have to admit, it felt good to get justice for the poor guy who died. And for the kids accused of vandalizing the school once we caught the culprits.

What can you do that the police can't?

Befriend my suspects without them thinking their names are on a poster board with a list of reasons why I think they could have done it.

How do you deal with the responsibility of being on a case?

Responsibility never occurred to me. Well, aside from feeling bad if anyone got hurt. That did happen a couple times.

Did you ever doubt your skills as a detective? How do you deal with that?

When in doubt, this amateur sleuth goes into hibernation mode with cheesecake and a great needlepoint. Currently, I’m making a Christmas stocking for my dog.

What do you know about investigating? How did you acquire that knowledge?

Like I said, I’m nosy. I also watch mystery movies and read crime novels.

Are you a fan of crime novels? What are your favorites?

I love to read when I don’t have a project to work on or a crime to solve. Kathy Reichs, Karin Slaughter appeal to me so do some lighter mystery reads like Agatha Christie, Ellery Adams, and Janet Evanovich.

Do you watch crime TV shows and movies? What are your favorites?

I’m hooked on reruns of Columbo and Bones as well as Murder, She Wrote.

Who do you see yourself the closest to: Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple or Sam Spade?

More like Inspector Jacques Clouseau from the Pink Panther Movies. Peter Sellers always makes me laugh!

What do you know about crime scene investigation?

About as much as I know about corporate tax law. Not much. All I know, I learned from television.

What do you know about the psychology of a criminal?

Just that some of them can be very smart, but crazy. The one who killed the cowboy was clever and the last person on my radar.

Can you describe a time when your work as a detective was criticized?

Pretty much daily. My husband, Rex, isn’t a big fan of me digging into any mystery. He even banned mystery novels from the house for a while until he realized I was reading them at work when it was quiet.

How do you deal with the authorities while doing your investigation?

I’m polite and try to help them, but sometimes a girl just has to keep things to herself. Lucky for me, I’m neighbors with both a judge and the medical examiner. Good to have friends in high places when the police won’t cooperate.

Do you have anyone helping you in your investigations? Tell us more about them.

Merilee is good for helping create the posters that keep us both on the right track. We get takeout and a bottle of wine and brainstorm. My other sidekick is Drake, my dog. He’s got a nose for trouble and helped find some great clues while we were looking for the cowboy’s killer.

How do you handle investigating when people don’t believe in you?

It’s not so much the believing IN me that’s a problem. It’s more a matter of believing what I tell them and not taking my evidence at face value.

What was the most difficult period in your investigation, and how did you deal with it?

The most difficult part was having the police confiscate my evidence. Okay, I know that’s his job, but it didn’t help me any. It bothers me most when I hit a brick wall and nothing seems to add up.

Would you ever do something against the law to help your investigation?

Who? Me? Not really, but it never helps to buy the Medical Examiner lunch or bake the judge muffins sometimes.

What will you do differently in your future investigations?

That’s it. No more investigations for me. I’m focusing on my shop and never, ever solving another case. Well, unless one just happens to fall at my feet…

How would you describe your investigation style?

Hm, I’m not sure about style. I’m more like a Jessica Fletcher-type investigator. Small town, I get to know most of my suspects without them suspecting I suspect them… Something like that. Being a cross-stitch aficionado, I’m more apt to notice the little details.

Who has impacted you most in your career as a detective (amateur or not) and how?

Oh, good question. I guess I’d go with Jessica Fletcher. I try to think the best of everyone but remain skeptical.

Tell me one thing about yourself you wouldn't want others to know.

That’s a tough one. I’m friends with a couple women who love to gossip, so I don’t really have any secrets. They even know about my husband being a lout and changing jobs without telling me. He works for a development company that plans to expand our little town while taking advantage on property owners. Not cool!

Do you have a favorite quote?

“Live the life you love.” That’s why I opened a craft shop. I love to do needlepoint and help other people to create their passion projects.

Thank you for the lengthy talk, Audra, and keep on with the good work!

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Diano Bator

Website http://penspaintsandpaper.com